it is friday and I am writing here, romance and determinism,

when she came back from her analyst, who was, of course, the same analyst she had seen last time. He’s in his forties, she is in a thirties with a small baby. She had seen him for ten years or more last time. It was different this time as she was slightly less scared of the level of violence and aggression she is capable of, perhaps knowing unlike before that she would never harm her children or him. But really she wanted to be able to speak with at least one other person about her situation. Be light, she didn’t say, my voice and life is heavy. The corpses have grown silent. What will she do to them this time? Soon I’ll be able to begin to tell him about my history… Our situation means it may be more scary than last time, the other version of him had dealt with it surprisingly well when I told him about my life. Can I really tell him about the sixty odd years of life I have lived through? His care and attention had helped before, it will this time as well, even if I am in my sixties in this young body. I think i would like to train as a psychoanalyst this time… It is friday, and as with all fridays I am writing at home sitting at my desk in the window of the back office and library downstairs in our house, looking out along the long laurel hedge at the evergreens and beyond them at the tall beech and oak trees. I can see a set of majestic clouds framed in the 4.3 aspect ratio of the picture window. White and grey in the blue sky above and behind the woods. I always work here on Monday and Friday, spend the middle of the week in the office, usually in meetings, being briefed, issuing instructions. Talking about projects. Sometimes about people who need to be harmed. People who need to be saved. Today I’m reading project scopes. Financial investment proposals from the hedge fund and the investment department. I remember from last time which proposals will make money and which won’t. I wonder what to do this time. Will it be the same? I am assuming that the universe wants us to be here…