Hairdressing History — Heissenbuttel
((Heißenbüttel’s sentence combinations consist of dream sequences, scraps of memory, poetological notes, customs of knowledge. From private matters: shorthand grammes from the most recent guests,mocking declensions. From colour collages and lustful sensations and so on They form a repertoire of of alienating elements, a pattern that is pervaded by themost important figure in this prose: the quotation )) Hairdressing History….
you were there when it got there so to speak you couldn’t help but be there and get there if you wanted to get anywhere at all and you had to get somewhere if you wanted to get through and those who got there then what else did they want but to get through you had to be careful in the situation you had got into nobody knew what else could happen
a track goes along the edge in a large arc and then jumps over the arched area into the woods the surface is white the track is white the white track bends along the edge the movement is hesitant and fleeting but the surface is cool white flags move along the edge in a large arc the movement comes from the surface the flags go into the woods the hesitant fleeting movement carries the flags into the woods
in and of itself it was all right that you were there in this situation in which you wanted nothing more than everyone else but of course you didn’t know whether everyone was reliable and whether you could stay there if you wanted to get through you were afraid of leaving getting through was not the same as getting through getting through stood next to getting through and finally against it
on the surface stands a flat curved line below darker gray broad and black strokes spots one suddenly moves against the line above lighter gray and almost white towards the periphery until the black spots expand wider and onto the line and over it they swallow up the still lighter periphery on which now the spots light up from above and long they have spoken to all kinds of people and everyone has always said the same thing what should you do if it goes on you have to see how you get through and rather betray if you know it will go on or not betray if you don’t know what should you do but join in because if you don’t join in you won’t get through you are betrayed and sold that can be the case everyone has said what should you do
black discs and blacker discs flat fields white in between everything as if moved away strange blotchy black discs that are sometimes moved very slowly to one side or the other suddenly and immediately gone again in between brighter an outline torn triangle in between gray shapeless fallen down unidentifiable some said you might be able to get through better
if you don’t go along but then you would have to become one of those who don’t go along how can you do that if getting through means going along you can’t betray that means you could but you only went along you would have had to go alone and leave alone but then you say no no that’s not possible and so you got through the direction goes vertically towards the infinite across the void away but before the infinite can be reached the direction is blocked by an upright wall
the direction is swallowed up by an upright wall that covers the infinite at irregular intervals it lights up in the wall above it is nothing at all the wall stands motionless or moves so slowly that you can’t tell the difference
there is nothing to be beaten to death for so you finally left when it became too risky to stay there you didn’t betray or get betrayed but you waited no one took offense there was no other way you listened to what you had to say you knew there was no other way you didn’t know what could happen you got out of the dust and that’s how you got by
the surface is now as bright as a mirror a flat spot above another flat spot two more spots moving back and forth as if half regretting half affirming behind them indistinctly obliquely converging in blind corners an interior of mirror and duff fleetingly moving past a shadow in the shadow two shadows leaning towards each other with squinting eyes light reflections trembling on light reflections
you got through like this and now you’re standing here and sometimes you think about the people you talked to back then and whose speech you listened to and you look in the mirror and see the other person at the other end of the mirror who also got through and here you are with cigarettes enough booze doesn’t get beer doesn’t matter Sundays out first car then TV you weren’t there because you wanted to you just wanted to get on you didn’t know what could happen and now you know what will happen you can only watch out if you can stay out of it there is no thing you have to be beaten to death for there was already an agreement back then
(Helmut Hesissenbuttel — machine translation 2024)
