excepts from exile, early morning and then sunday, appendix 5

It was dark. They are lying down in the dark, the light from the street lamp coming into the hall, an edge of light, gentle photons passing through the slit of the slightly ajar door. Do the photons pass through as waves or particles, photons. When they sleep perhaps he might know. A head using the others body as a pillow, they talk about the possibility of her file having been sent, they talk about whether they should run and be hunted, In the dark she can see make out a foot. she asks again should we run ? She offered us either running or if we stay or stay and be protected by the state, I think staying together as open members of the repressive state apparatus is the safest option for the moment. He can feel her head nodding on his chest. I think I will go to work and catch a few criminals. Find out if we are protected and safe, she rolls over a sits up in a single smooth movement and looks at his face, she can almost see the stray photons falling onto it. I will make some provisions in case the staying has to become running. Do it quietly, obscurely. I’ll investigate the office. make sure they are telling the truth. We’ll need time to make them all relax. My body needs some recovery time, my ribs are still not good. And some more guns he said, you only have the small glock (she laughed you know me so well, her face only inches away in the dark) It will be difficult in our very observed situation, and then I am an employee of the RSA. She licked his face. I expect them to watch she whispers in his ear. Pervert he says putting his arms around her. They will talk about this for the next three days until he goes to work on monday, driven into the city by a DS. The next morning, friday, after the fingerprints are taken and his dna sampled by a swab and blood tests, he becomes rich. She looked at him and wondered how he would live with the constraints that her freedom were imposing on him. She knew he understood this and yet he didn’t seem to be feeling this was cause for despair, or even that the only reasonable response was to contemplate all things as they present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. She realized he was smiling at her. <All this is irrelevant because I have to go to work on monday to keep us safe. I’m sorry. It’s part of our experiment> It was their experiment to fashion perspectives that displace and estrange the world, reveal it to be, with its rifts and crevices as indigent and distorted as it is. The world recounts the contingency of all things, things so similar to us. Atoms incline, collide with one another and make forms, as we do when we caress one another and end up making, unpredictable, unexpected children. (More parasitical species exist that non-parasitical ones.) So humans, even these ones are not the only ones who encounter for better or for worse, to become messengers: angels for heavenly loves, they are ambidexters comfortable on both sides. Humans, even humans in love are not so original. It is a Sunday, for some a typical Sunday, for them it ends with a last sleepless night. They walked through the woods deep into the valley and along the river. Their relations to one another and their existance in the social generating stress. He will never be as stressed as this again. It was part of their experiment to fashion perspectives that displace and estrange the world, reveal it to be, with its rifts and crevices as indigent, distorted and corrupted as it is[…] Once again we are not so original. In this they were finding the low level of continuing stress difficult to live with, he thought that it was worse for him than her. This was a delusion. The use of the term stress doesn’t mask the fact that for him it was an underlying line of fear, a stream of fear of the violence and uncertainty that flowed in the background. Whereas her stress and fear was founded on her being with him in exile and on the isolation that resulted in this new life. The enforced solitude she had accepted because of him, contradicted in reality by how he prevented her solitude from being absolute. Over the first year as she lived with him others began to be known to her. Some became friends, some even knew who she had once been. They became able to speak about it, more specifically they could talk about the differences between his fear and stress and her stress and fear. Initially she imagined that she would adapt better to living with the situation they found themselves in, but in reality as they they they talked about it, usually late at night and sometimes during the day, perhaps over breakfast, it became obvious that this wasn’t the case. Both of them realized that only their experimental relationship was keeping them in one piece. Eventually as the months passed and they became more concrete and molecular, a molecule called we, it faded and then vanished. It was remarkable how quickly they adapted, after a few weeks their stress levels began to fall as they began to dream, and they arrived on the 1900 plateau — the interpretation of dreams. Their dreams giving a magnified construction to the smallest stimuli that arose as they almost relaxed into sleep. The imaginary institution of society may be historically constructed, but for them it was founded on violence and exile. Perhaps unusually it was their having a child, who would be called Suki Park (she was amused at how easily he found giving the child her name, he taught her to read, she taught her how to fight) that finally and ultimately the stress to manageable levels. Many things over the year had made running increasingly unlikely, having a child made it unnecessary. This sleepless night ends with him waking to find her sitting up looking at him. Her left hand is resting on his shoulder. She asks him if he slept badly. Terribly he tells her.